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A History of the Chav Part 2- Chav Music
Posted by
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06 January 2005
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The Chav likes his music, cos when he's in WHSmith he has to shoplift something, and CDs fit in your pocket nice and easy and after 4 hours work with a chisel you can get that plastic thing of real easy, only slightly damaging the CD case in the process.
Against popular belief the Chav listens to a wide range of musical genres. Chav Music is not simply R+B, Rap, and Dance. The Chav listens to metal, rock, pop and so on. The current issue of Metalhammer magazine holds an article entitled "Chav Metal" featuring a list of great Chav metal artists. One name came up particularly often. That name is Limp Bizkit.
Ahh Fred Durst. Who doesn't envy him? The way he constantly talks about how he shagged Britney Spears, the way his songs suck serious ass, (with such excellent lyrics as 'Its my way or the highway' WTF?! You're supposed to be metal. Real metal guys don't give you a choice. Its my way or you're gonna wake up with half a devoured bat in your bed) I envy Fred Durst's constant 10 year old attitude.
For all intents and purposes Fred Durst is a Chav who actually has money.
1. My 4 year old step-nephew is more mature than Fred Durst.
2. He thinks he's black
3. He thinks all the women want him and that he's dead hard looking. Let's review the evidence:
Well based on his peak level of physical fitness it's no wonder that all the ladies are drooling over Mr. Durst rather than uglier specimens of humanity such as Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. Likewise, with rock hard abs like that Fred Durst is much more threatening looking that the Governator and Mr. T put together.
Fred Durst represents Chav Metal at its best. They call it 'Nu Metal', I call it ######ing crap.
Nu Metal first started to arrive in the late 90s, at first some it was quite decent, but over time it became quickly dull, derivative, moronic and crap. Therefore it became extremely popular, because Chavs are stupid and don't like original, intelligent music, hence why Girls Aloud get to Number 1 and lesser artists such as Coldplay are happy when they get in the top 20. (Chavs are also stupid in that they always buy singles rather than albums like normal people- remember that the charts are completely constructed by Chavs and 8 year old girls) Nu Metal has thankfully died the death now, apart from a few lone wanderers like Durst, Nu Metal has been replaced by Emo like Funeral for a Friend and Gothic Rock like Lacuna Coil. I give it a year until these genres too are hijacked and turned into crap by the Chav minions.
This is just one example of good music transformed into crap by the Chav pulled from my personal music tastes. Irrespective of musical genre there is always a Chav bastardisation around the corner to take over the charts. Im not a fan of dance. In fact it would be fair to say I dislike most of it intensely, but there is the occasional bit of good stuff, especially earlier on in Dance History. Fat Boy Slim, The Prodigy, etc. It would be a lie to say Im a fan or that I listen to their music, but they did innovate, and I respect that. Most dance in the charts is, however, Chav Dance. Dance bastardized by the Chav. Most underground dance, while not what I'd call likeable, is what Id call respectable, innovative, original, its own clear voice. The same is true for underground rap, and so on. The exception being R+B which is itself a complete bastardisation of music in general.
The history of Chav music is simple then. New genre arrives, people innovate create new sounds. Someone bastardises it completely to make it more 'mainstream' so it gets into the top 10, loads of people copy them resulting in me getting pissed off, forcing me to look at other emerging forms of music which will soon be bastardised anyway.
Against popular belief the Chav listens to a wide range of musical genres. Chav Music is not simply R+B, Rap, and Dance. The Chav listens to metal, rock, pop and so on. The current issue of Metalhammer magazine holds an article entitled "Chav Metal" featuring a list of great Chav metal artists. One name came up particularly often. That name is Limp Bizkit.
Ahh Fred Durst. Who doesn't envy him? The way he constantly talks about how he shagged Britney Spears, the way his songs suck serious ass, (with such excellent lyrics as 'Its my way or the highway' WTF?! You're supposed to be metal. Real metal guys don't give you a choice. Its my way or you're gonna wake up with half a devoured bat in your bed) I envy Fred Durst's constant 10 year old attitude.
For all intents and purposes Fred Durst is a Chav who actually has money.
1. My 4 year old step-nephew is more mature than Fred Durst.
2. He thinks he's black
3. He thinks all the women want him and that he's dead hard looking. Let's review the evidence:
Well based on his peak level of physical fitness it's no wonder that all the ladies are drooling over Mr. Durst rather than uglier specimens of humanity such as Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom. Likewise, with rock hard abs like that Fred Durst is much more threatening looking that the Governator and Mr. T put together.
Fred Durst represents Chav Metal at its best. They call it 'Nu Metal', I call it ######ing crap.
Nu Metal first started to arrive in the late 90s, at first some it was quite decent, but over time it became quickly dull, derivative, moronic and crap. Therefore it became extremely popular, because Chavs are stupid and don't like original, intelligent music, hence why Girls Aloud get to Number 1 and lesser artists such as Coldplay are happy when they get in the top 20. (Chavs are also stupid in that they always buy singles rather than albums like normal people- remember that the charts are completely constructed by Chavs and 8 year old girls) Nu Metal has thankfully died the death now, apart from a few lone wanderers like Durst, Nu Metal has been replaced by Emo like Funeral for a Friend and Gothic Rock like Lacuna Coil. I give it a year until these genres too are hijacked and turned into crap by the Chav minions.
This is just one example of good music transformed into crap by the Chav pulled from my personal music tastes. Irrespective of musical genre there is always a Chav bastardisation around the corner to take over the charts. Im not a fan of dance. In fact it would be fair to say I dislike most of it intensely, but there is the occasional bit of good stuff, especially earlier on in Dance History. Fat Boy Slim, The Prodigy, etc. It would be a lie to say Im a fan or that I listen to their music, but they did innovate, and I respect that. Most dance in the charts is, however, Chav Dance. Dance bastardized by the Chav. Most underground dance, while not what I'd call likeable, is what Id call respectable, innovative, original, its own clear voice. The same is true for underground rap, and so on. The exception being R+B which is itself a complete bastardisation of music in general.
The history of Chav music is simple then. New genre arrives, people innovate create new sounds. Someone bastardises it completely to make it more 'mainstream' so it gets into the top 10, loads of people copy them resulting in me getting pissed off, forcing me to look at other emerging forms of music which will soon be bastardised anyway.
I expect better tomorrow.
