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A History of the Chav- Part 3: The Future
Posted by
,
09 January 2005
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The Chav is a fascinating beast. It is possible that the Chav is in fact not human, but a new species adapted for life in modern day Britain. Think about it, the Chav sponges whatever resources it can find and then spends the rest of its time in mating rituals, which result in a extremely fast, nigh on uncontrollable, population growth rate. As a result when considering the Chav's future it becomes apparent that eventually the Chav will outgrow in terms of population the rest of the nation. Chavs could potentially use this to their advantage, voting in Chav leaders, and taking over the nation to build a new land of Chavvyness.
Fortunately for the rest of us we can sleep safe, as signing a cross is beyond all but the most intellectual Chavs (IE. Those Chavs who have mastered drinking booze and having sex at the same time)
However a program of eugenics may be appropriate for the services of population control. Take a page out of Hitler's book. If they're stupid/ugly they probably shouldn't have kids. It's for their own good anyway. When any population exceeds a certain amount it runs out of food and the entire population starves. In the case of the Chav it may be possible that Kappa can no longer produce tracksuits at a rate capable of sustaining Britains Chav population. It is also possible that all the used Astras and Novas may be brought up, leaving future Chavs with no form of transportation, thereby giving them no means to attract Chavettes and create Chavlets. (What do you think they're gonna use, sparking dialogue and wit?) Basically the Chav population may implode upon itself.
Future generations may want to observe this species and their effect upon their habitat, and as such the Chav population should be sustained at the minimal degree so that they do not irritate the population, but at the same time don't disappear altogether. The Chavs are a vital lesson for tomorrows youth on what happens if you decide you want to skip school and wear Kappa. I suggest the creation of a Chav safari park, complete with shopping centre (so that they can steal things) in-house Vauxhall Nova factory (complete with a guy at the end who attacks it with a baseball bat to give it that 'just half destroyed' finished) and street corners (for drinking and fornicating on)
At this point the rest of Chav kind would be rounded up into camps and sterilised, allowed to live out the rest of their natural life (approximately 50 until all their major organs collapse from the strain of mass consumption of booze and tobacco)
Fortunately for the rest of us we can sleep safe, as signing a cross is beyond all but the most intellectual Chavs (IE. Those Chavs who have mastered drinking booze and having sex at the same time)
However a program of eugenics may be appropriate for the services of population control. Take a page out of Hitler's book. If they're stupid/ugly they probably shouldn't have kids. It's for their own good anyway. When any population exceeds a certain amount it runs out of food and the entire population starves. In the case of the Chav it may be possible that Kappa can no longer produce tracksuits at a rate capable of sustaining Britains Chav population. It is also possible that all the used Astras and Novas may be brought up, leaving future Chavs with no form of transportation, thereby giving them no means to attract Chavettes and create Chavlets. (What do you think they're gonna use, sparking dialogue and wit?) Basically the Chav population may implode upon itself.
Future generations may want to observe this species and their effect upon their habitat, and as such the Chav population should be sustained at the minimal degree so that they do not irritate the population, but at the same time don't disappear altogether. The Chavs are a vital lesson for tomorrows youth on what happens if you decide you want to skip school and wear Kappa. I suggest the creation of a Chav safari park, complete with shopping centre (so that they can steal things) in-house Vauxhall Nova factory (complete with a guy at the end who attacks it with a baseball bat to give it that 'just half destroyed' finished) and street corners (for drinking and fornicating on)
At this point the rest of Chav kind would be rounded up into camps and sterilised, allowed to live out the rest of their natural life (approximately 50 until all their major organs collapse from the strain of mass consumption of booze and tobacco)
