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Holy faeces! I'm back!
Posted by
,
15 May 2005
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Partially due to a desire to destroy IPS's server via overloading the swear filter and partially because Stephen decided I was dead I've decided to return to my blogging ways.
Several have commented (repeatedly) that I need to write a new entry, and this is partially being written so that they'll piss off and leave me alone so I can get some kip at long ######ing last.
So how's life for CTerry? It sucks! (Well I wouldn't be me if I say 'life is great!')
I voted Lib Dem and they lost, so it looks like they may move to the right. Oh goody. So this time in 4 years time I may be ranting about why I'm voting Green, who will, as I voted for them, then begin to turn into right wing corporate types and proceed to say things like '###### the poor, ###### the environment, ###### human beings, I want lots of money!' By the year 2050 I hope that my voting for political parties on the left will result in so many of them swinging to the right my choices will be between UKIP and the Communist Party of Great Britain.
At work the summer approaches. We have new staff including a new supervisor (after the last one decided that the contents of the tills should be placed at all times in his pockets as he left work) who, due to the amazing capabilities of our manager has NO EXPERIENCE IN RETAIL WHATSOEVER! They might as well of hired a ######ing monkey, he probably would of been more useful, and we could pay him peanuts. (BOOM BOOM!)
Life outside work is a slow slide into angry hatred of every living being on God's green Earth. My sister is home tomorrow, so there may be a knife fight and a battle to the death for control of the sacred keyboard/remote control. It's my day off I can waste it all I want.
On a sidenote my attempts to educate Sam in the ways of well everything are failing miserably. After exposing him to such artistic luminairies as 'Led Zeppelin' 'The Ramones' 'Bob Dylan' and 'The Cure' I consistently discover (thanks to MSN's new music feature) him listening to Mariah Carey, Tupac (who he didn't realise was the same person as '2pac'), or in todays case an entire album of Sum 41. This while I was listening to the Mars Volta- possibly the single most intelligent and artistic band around today.
He too refuses to accept the deep ideological flaws in Conservatism and clings to it, hoping that one day soon it may actually prove to have some sort of redeeming value. It doesn't.
Unfortunately I fear that Sam is doomed for a long life of hideous music and poor political choices.
With the slow collapse of what respect I have for humanity I've decided to take it upon myself to take over the world. It seems that this is the single best chance for the survival of humanity.
I have several ideas that shall prove highly beneficial to humanity. For instance a nuclear strike will take place in Texas, this will keep the other Americans in line, if they step out of line and continue to elect illiterate morons to what little elected positions I leave examples will be made of the others.
Scoz will become Duke of Edinburgh and will be given full domain over Scotland as a reward for his years of tirelessly being on the right side of me. He will be allowed to keep the current Duke of Edinburgh- Prince Phillip, in a cage in his dining room and occasionally throw him scraps of food and poke him with a stick.
London will be demolished. It is the most fetid city in the history of human existence and its destruction will be great news to us all.
All copies of 'Independence Day' will be banned. It is the most overrated movie of all time and has no redeeming capabilities and acheives nothing except to get Americans very excited about the 4th of July and think that any plane flying overhead is in actual fact a spaceship designed to kill us all.
Tom Cruise will be executed. Publically. He is the most irritating cock in the history of humanity and is worse than Hitler. Katie Holmes will have brain surgery to find out what made her decide to sleep with him in the first place as she is bloody hot. Once this is acheived the defect will be removed. At this point she will be allowed to become Queen of Planet Earth.
Scientists will be reassigned to find a way to clone Katie Holmes in order that every dude that I approve of gets their own copy. Also- threesomes.
Holywood will be made to stop casting British guys as the baddie in every single film ever. Instead Brits will get to be goodies for a change and will have to stop evil Americans.
George Lucas will be made to write a public letter of apology for the character of 'Jar Jar Binks' in Episode I.
All countries will be made to speak English. It is difficult to dominate a nation which you do not understand. A problem that George Bush knows very well.
Free rice pudding for all.
Add onto the list of executions: Bruce Forsyth, Busted, the Conservative and Labour cabinets and the entire cast of Eastenders.
I think we can all agree that I would make an excellent King of Planet Earth.
Several have commented (repeatedly) that I need to write a new entry, and this is partially being written so that they'll piss off and leave me alone so I can get some kip at long ######ing last.
So how's life for CTerry? It sucks! (Well I wouldn't be me if I say 'life is great!')
I voted Lib Dem and they lost, so it looks like they may move to the right. Oh goody. So this time in 4 years time I may be ranting about why I'm voting Green, who will, as I voted for them, then begin to turn into right wing corporate types and proceed to say things like '###### the poor, ###### the environment, ###### human beings, I want lots of money!' By the year 2050 I hope that my voting for political parties on the left will result in so many of them swinging to the right my choices will be between UKIP and the Communist Party of Great Britain.
At work the summer approaches. We have new staff including a new supervisor (after the last one decided that the contents of the tills should be placed at all times in his pockets as he left work) who, due to the amazing capabilities of our manager has NO EXPERIENCE IN RETAIL WHATSOEVER! They might as well of hired a ######ing monkey, he probably would of been more useful, and we could pay him peanuts. (BOOM BOOM!)
Life outside work is a slow slide into angry hatred of every living being on God's green Earth. My sister is home tomorrow, so there may be a knife fight and a battle to the death for control of the sacred keyboard/remote control. It's my day off I can waste it all I want.
On a sidenote my attempts to educate Sam in the ways of well everything are failing miserably. After exposing him to such artistic luminairies as 'Led Zeppelin' 'The Ramones' 'Bob Dylan' and 'The Cure' I consistently discover (thanks to MSN's new music feature) him listening to Mariah Carey, Tupac (who he didn't realise was the same person as '2pac'), or in todays case an entire album of Sum 41. This while I was listening to the Mars Volta- possibly the single most intelligent and artistic band around today.
He too refuses to accept the deep ideological flaws in Conservatism and clings to it, hoping that one day soon it may actually prove to have some sort of redeeming value. It doesn't.
Unfortunately I fear that Sam is doomed for a long life of hideous music and poor political choices.
With the slow collapse of what respect I have for humanity I've decided to take it upon myself to take over the world. It seems that this is the single best chance for the survival of humanity.
I have several ideas that shall prove highly beneficial to humanity. For instance a nuclear strike will take place in Texas, this will keep the other Americans in line, if they step out of line and continue to elect illiterate morons to what little elected positions I leave examples will be made of the others.
Scoz will become Duke of Edinburgh and will be given full domain over Scotland as a reward for his years of tirelessly being on the right side of me. He will be allowed to keep the current Duke of Edinburgh- Prince Phillip, in a cage in his dining room and occasionally throw him scraps of food and poke him with a stick.
London will be demolished. It is the most fetid city in the history of human existence and its destruction will be great news to us all.
All copies of 'Independence Day' will be banned. It is the most overrated movie of all time and has no redeeming capabilities and acheives nothing except to get Americans very excited about the 4th of July and think that any plane flying overhead is in actual fact a spaceship designed to kill us all.
Tom Cruise will be executed. Publically. He is the most irritating cock in the history of humanity and is worse than Hitler. Katie Holmes will have brain surgery to find out what made her decide to sleep with him in the first place as she is bloody hot. Once this is acheived the defect will be removed. At this point she will be allowed to become Queen of Planet Earth.
Scientists will be reassigned to find a way to clone Katie Holmes in order that every dude that I approve of gets their own copy. Also- threesomes.
Holywood will be made to stop casting British guys as the baddie in every single film ever. Instead Brits will get to be goodies for a change and will have to stop evil Americans.
George Lucas will be made to write a public letter of apology for the character of 'Jar Jar Binks' in Episode I.
All countries will be made to speak English. It is difficult to dominate a nation which you do not understand. A problem that George Bush knows very well.
Free rice pudding for all.
Add onto the list of executions: Bruce Forsyth, Busted, the Conservative and Labour cabinets and the entire cast of Eastenders.
I think we can all agree that I would make an excellent King of Planet Earth.
Edit: Replies do work, just hit good ol' back when you get the error.